“If you are standing in a room filled with darkness looking for a way out just know that you can always just turn on the light. Not the switch on the outside, the switch on the inside. Turn on your inner light.”
I wanted to share some new gifts of awareness that have come into my reality lately. Times are shifting, energy is getting more intense and our realities that we have created for ourselves are being questioned. Is this really the reality you want to be living? Or are you seeking something different?
I will do my best to speak in first person, from my point of experience rather than projecting out into the world of what I think others are feeling/going through.
Lately, I have chosen to live in darkness, to live in the illusion of being a victim of my life. That I am helpless; I am nothing, that nothing in my reality is enough. In the midst of it I failed to see that I was consciously choosing this as my reality. I chose to lose myself, to let myself fall however far I wanted to fall. I got so lost in focusing on the things that I don’t want in my life that I forgot to see and dream about what is possible – what I want to create – what I want my reality to be. It’s like I found comfort in this uncomfortable feeling, even though I would reach outside myself and try to attach myself to things that would give me a different kind of comfort like sugar and drama. I got caught in the trap of living as a helpless victim again. This is not a new pattern for me, which makes it even more frustrating. I see myself doing this yet I am choosing to stay in this pattern. When I go to this place I forget my power, I forget who I am, I forget that I have the power to change my reality. I forget all the great things about where I am and who I am.
I have played in the pool of having to touch the deep end in order to touch the sky, way too many times. We don’t have to fall as deep as we could possibly go just to find the momentum to pick ourselves back up. In an instant, in any given moment we have access to this – to our potential, to our divinity, to the strength and expansiveness of who we are. Yes, getting lost may sometimes be part of the journey but that is only because we choose that path. We are choosing that we must get lost in order to be found. But what I have realized is that I am tired of losing myself just to find myself again. I am tired of wasting my time. I am tired of living in this pool, fishing for, searching for something that can’t be found there. I am searching in the wrong place. I know that I need to bring my head out of the waters. In the simplest of terms, I need to come back to who I know I am and stop searching for who I think I need to be or want to be. I need to just be me. Not me in misery, not me in sadness, not me in pain. I need to be me. The real me. In all my grace, in all my joy and happiness and beauty.
This mask, this illusion is just a way of hiding, a way of protecting myself from the truth of who I am. How absurd it is for me to think this is a way of protection when it is just keeping me in suffering, keeping me in misery. I am not protecting myself, I am hiding from myself because somewhere deep down I know the strength of my greatness, I know the power of my greatness but I fear it. How silly it is to play this out. How silly it is to hide from our greatness like it is some beast that once it is unleashed will take control and change our existence, as we know it. And yes, that may be true. Our greatness is powerful, much like a beast, but not the beast in the context that you know it, a beast of strength, of courage, of wisdom, of hope, of beauty, of love, of illumination. We need not hide from that beauty inside of us. We need not hide in darkness, we need not hide in misery, in helplessness.
Enough with the excuses. Enough of keeping ourselves in the darkness. Enough of gravitating towards things and people that keep us down. Enough! Isn’t it funny how that word can go both ways? Enough is enough. Because we are enough! Do you see? Stop messing around with what could be, what isn’t, or what has past and be open to seeing what is possible, what can be and what will be. We are so powerful. We are so much more than we thought we were, than we think we are. We have to step up, we have to step aside and let our light shine. We have come to far to let it be the death of us. We have come too far to let the darkness win. You always have a choice. You always have a choice. I could repeat this over and over and you still wouldn’t get it. Are you listening? Do you get it now? Don’t you see that you have always had a choice? What world do you want to be a part of? What world do YOU want to create? A world of victimless, suffering people who can’t even stand on their own two feet or a world of life, laughter, playfulness – an expansive world that allows us to flow into the creation of anything and everything?
I speak for you and I speak for myself. I share my words with you because it is needed on the planet right now. It is needed for you, for all of us to step into the truth of who we are. Don’t forget it. And if you need help to remind yourself of this, find that someone to be there for you, to support you. This is extremely important. We cannot leave someone down deep in the mud, for they could be our greatest heroes, our greatest inspiration for changing our planet, for changing our reality. We all need to stick together, to come together to raise each other up. To inspire each other to be in our greatness, to live in our greatness because when we do, oh you can’t even begin to see how beautiful of a world this could be. Try it on just for a day. Try it on for a day – your greatness. See how that feels. Go about your day and feel into the expansiveness of your existence, your beauty that you have brought down here with you to experience this human world.
Do you believe that you can change your reality? Do you believe that you are this powerful? That simple belief could and will change your world. Be careful on what you are choosing to believe about who you are. It can either bring you down or raise you up.
Don’t be so worried. Don’t be so worried about timelines, about the details, about being anyone else other than who you are right now in this moment. For that is all you need to know. This moment before you is the biggest gift that will ever grace your existence. Worry only keeps you back from actually experience the truth of who you are. Worry is like the door that keeps the good stuff from coming in. Worry is the block that is holding you back from stepping into the beauty of life, of creation, of what is possible. Trust in the universe to take you where you need to go. Trust in the universe to guide you to where you are meant to be. Trust that you will be supported and taken care of always – ALWAYS. He, we, won’t leave you in the mud. Nobody will be left behind. Our hand is here for support, for guidance, for a weight off your shoulder. Let us help you. Let us show you how to bring more love into your life.
What reality are you choosing to live today?
Here is a poem that came through me as I begin to step more firmly into the truth of my existence:
I got swallowed by a wave of darkness
The wave was stronger than I was. It took the life right out of me.
I allowed it to.
I threw up my arms and let it take me.
It told me ‘You’ll find the answers you are seeking here’
It lied.
I got lost in finding the answers.
I got lost in searching for reasons why I am the way I am, how I got to be this way and how can I make it better.
Yes, I got to see my patterns, how my past experiences have created my reality.
I thank you for these gifts.
But I know I will not find myself in this darkness
No matter how deep I dive.
I know that I will not choose again to let you take me.
I don’t need to divert from myself in order to find myself again.
I will stand tall in who I know I am.
I will be rooted, in the sand, in the earth, in the beauty of my existence.
I will be firm in being, in my body, in my essence of spirit and of human.
Oh, you may taunt me with your beautiful waves of darkness
But you no longer hold my power.
I will admire you from here. I will admire you from where I stand and know that I am choosing to make a commitment to myself.
I am choosing to stay rooted in truth of who I am.
I am choosing to stand in love, in strength, in honor, in beauty.
I am choosing me.
Sending love and light to everyone.
Remember you are light. Are you willing to let this become your reality?